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no_morpheus
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read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Cameron
Country: United States
State: Illinois
Birthday: 7/14/1974
Gender: Male
Interests: Computers. Natch.
Vid games.
Pen&Paper RPG.
Reading. Reading. Reading.
Music. (listening)
Reading.
Universal Baseball League.
Surfin'.
Movies. Movies. Movies.
Expertise: All-purpose computer geek. I mean it. Really. Hardware, software, pc/router/protocol.
Monty Python, yes.
Gaming, yes.
Goatee and glasses. How much more freakin' stereotypical can one get? Seriously.
Occupation: Computer related
Industry: Computers (Hardware)
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
Member Since:
5/18/2003
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| Tenser, said the tensor.
Tensor, said the tenser.
Tension, apprehension and dissension have begun.
I think that mayhap our main problem is that I've found myself -- within myself.
I do not look to others for validation on my beliefs, feelings,
thoughts, what have you. They are mine, thus they are genuine. If I
meet a like-minded individual, I more than likely would not care for
them too much. I can seem arrogant at times, cold at others, and
generally pissy for much of the rest.
To those I care for, it is an entirely different story until I believe that I have been wronged. In whatever manner.
I finally got rid of the last "obstacle" that somewhat seperated M and I from the wedding we want. My mother.
My mother. Very cool lady. Drummer for a 50s-60s rock'n'roll band.
Loves music. Loves her children. Cuckolded my father once, but that's
neither here nor there. Traditional. Would love for her baby boy to get
married in a church with all the trimmings.
Spoke to her last night, explained that M and I aren't really looking
for that. I personally don't want people gathered in solemnity, seeming
mourning the loss. I want people to have fun -- if I flub a line, start
tearing up, etc I fully expect my friends to heckle me from the crowd.
That's the kind of friends I have, and I wouldn't have them any other
way.
I told mom that M's wishes weren't in accordance with all the trimmings
-- and neither are mine, to tell the truth. I am not a believer (or
Believer, if you will) and have no wish to go through the doors of a
church. I am what I am, to coin a phrase.
I figure we'll probably go through the ceremony with a minister (to
satisfy the dogmatic beliefs of my family) and perhaps another, smaller
ceremony to satisfy M's beliefs.
It's kind of strange -- I do believe that the bond of marriage is
sacred in a way. But not Sacred. I believe that pledging oneself to
another is one of the most noble and caring actions someone can take.
And you are pledging heart and mind and body to the other person, until death do
you part.
I have, am, and always will believe that. And never shall I break that
pledge -- which is one I have already taken, pledging myself to M in my
heart and mind and body.
That is sacred.
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| I think I figured out why the blogging thing never worked for me before. So I'm posting it. (heh)
I know who I am. I don't have doubts that seem to plague others. That
seems to be a huge chunk of the "blogosphere" out there. Doubts and
confusion.
I am a lower-middle class white male. 30 (soon to be 31) years old. I
went though a halfhearted crisis last birthday, but I think it was more
"expected of me" than anything I really felt.
I am deeply in love with M. I love her more than anyone I have ever
been in contact with. I wish to spend the rest of my life with her.
I'm working a dead-end job for a very odd company which pays next to
nothing. Hopefully this changes soonish, as I'm really hoping we move
from this town next year sometime.
I'm pretty solid, emotionally. I get worked up over odd things
sometimes, but I tend to wait until I have at least seen some evidence
before flying off the handle. Even if it is something I just catch a
glimpse of, I know what my eyes have seen.
I'm loyal to friends and family. Sometimes to a fault, especially if I
believe I have been wronged. When it backfires on me, I tend to react
strongly.
I care too much about others and what they think.
But I don't get this whole "soul searching" idea. I really don't. I
don't see how sharing thoughts with strangers helps one to find
themselves. And if you're sharing thoughts with friends, why not choose
a more dynamic forum? Phone conversations, for one. Talking
face-to-face.
This typing out things for the sake of others....I just don't get it.
Never have, even when I was doing it semi-regularly. If someone can
explain it, then I'd be more than happy to listen. I may not agree, but
the validations of complete strangers doesn't mean that much to me. M
says I make her happy. That's all that matters. HOW happy, I do not
know -- refer to the previous post of today -- but I do believe her.
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| It's been about a year and a half since I've posted.
A year and a half.
This started as a way to see what M got out of the "blogging" thing,
see if it was right for me. Obviously, it wasn't at the time. Of
course, since then I was employed in a place that I hated to work in
(although doing something I loved), been unemployed for three months
(wasted, wasted time) and now am employed in a place that I don't care
so much for and a job I don't like so much.
It's been an interesting year and a half on the job front.
M and I are getting along fine, although there are doubts on her end, I
think. I don't know who still reads this, so I won't go into details.
Suffice it to say that actions of the past six months are not the ones
I would expect of someone who completely is comfortable with the
decisions that one has made.
I did "officially" propose and she accepted, so she is wearing the
ring. We are planning to get married next spring. A small ceremony in
my parent's backyard -- which is beautiful. I've received offers of
help in choosing music, finding the cake, etc. etc. from co-workers
that DJ, make cakes, and sew. It's been good -- the people that I work
with are good people.
Of course, as soon as M graduates, I want to leave the town we live in
currently. For good. There's too much here that is old, I think. Too
many temptations for M, too many unknowns for me. I'm not sure of M's
take on this, as she gets defensive every time I mention graduation or
moving. She has said that she gets attached to places she lives and
doesn't like change, but I'm all for a fresh start somewhere else, as
we begin our married lives together.
I'm probably writing to a vaccuum, but that's fine. I'm not going to be
a daily poster, I'm not even promising that I'm going to post more than
I have -- I would much rather talk to M than type words on a screen.
Call the people that I enjoy speaking to rather than hope they remember
the bookmark buried in their folder that contains my blog. That's just
me. My innermost thoughts are for myself and M -- and that, I think, is
the cause of a lot of my own problems.
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| Results:
You have qualities associated with more than one type of Warrior. That's okay -- read the descriptions below and decide how you feel about each one, then choose one (or a couple) that feels "right".
 | My sphere is Soldier (Unity in Strength and Action), and my class is Rogue (Precise and Unhindered). I am a Dark Artist. If you were in the Republican Convention during Nixon's term of office, you would have been the one they sent to spy on and infiltrate Democratic Headquarters at Watergate. This isn't to say that you're a man of black operations or ill repute, but more to say that you have the efficiency and swift approach to carry out these tenuous, sometimes questionable, goals when most of your comrades might balk. What kind of Warrior are you? |
 | My sphere is Guardian (Person of great Love and Altruism), and my class is Rogue (Precise and Unhindered). I am a Protector. You won't let anything or anyone threaten the ones you love if you have anything to say about it -- and you aren't afraid to back that up by any means possible. You might get your hands dirty in your life. You might do things that more lawful people would question. But there is no doubt in your mind that what you are doing is right, and you will have no regrets. To be a Protector is to shed many layers of "status quo," of "morality," and, to a degree, of honor, in order to dedicate yourself to the protection of your love in any way you can. You are a truly rare breed. You are loved in return for your great dedication by the people who value you. You know how to keep secrets, and uphold your word. What kind of Warrior are you? |
 | My sphere is Knight (Know Loyalty and Respect), and my class is Rogue (Precise and Unhindered). I am a Henchman. You know the value of respect, in every glorious, practical, and humble sense of the word. You know whom you respect. You know what it means to defend and uphold respect. Although the boss can and will call on anyone to get a job done, the boss knows he can call on you when there's a delicate situation, or when someone needs to get their hands dirty. You hold a special place in their heart for your willingness in this regard, as well as a special place in the toes of the people you might step on in securing the respect your boss deserves. What kind of Warrior are you? | | | |
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